Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize