His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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