I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ketchup is God's man juice
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
