Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
