yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
