so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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