when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
