Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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