I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
