A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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