dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
