if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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