The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
