so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
