Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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