College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's just like the Real World with babies
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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