I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
PANTIES FOUND
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