The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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