no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
