Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What a dumb baby whore.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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