smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
