oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well you can't waste a boner
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
