Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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