Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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