somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
