somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
