Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
