Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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