Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize