i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
