Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
