I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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