Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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