Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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