turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and she was petting her beer can
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
