I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
