I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
