I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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