look no pants
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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