I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
