Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
