By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
