I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
