sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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