um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
