I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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