Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
