Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize