did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
