Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
