I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
