You can't special order awesome
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
