booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
