She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
