Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
