Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
