I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
