I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
