Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
