i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize