She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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