we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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