I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
