If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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