We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
