you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
