this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
