We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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