bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize