Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
