coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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