I should be sponsored by Trojan
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She bit a glass in half.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
