I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
