Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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