Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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