were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
