thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We got so high we made milksteak
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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