i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
