yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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